Sorry Authentic Italian Espresso

I continue to refuse joining the interview this morning. I feel not funny now and have a worry without knowing clearly what it is. I was excited yesterday, one night wonder and today not fun. I should have made appointment on the afternoon Saturday, I should have said this yesterday, why I was so stupid. But I think it is also in vain because I can know the result later. I shouldnt do this too many time, it is only a waste of time, mood and thought... I am really not funny!
Now, I continue to stay at the quiet place and do my own business. All of sales staff have gone far to discover new projects. I, accountant and guard man stay here with private business. I am here in dark (I turn off lights for the sake of here) and asking myself how I can be more clever (no answer)?!
The guard man has presented a nice bag to me, I like it and I use it for putting cosmetic. Although I am some time allergic with him (he is too), I see him as my younger brother. I listen to him but he always is stubborn with my saying, I was mad so much but all in all not seriously too long. Maybe I am not strong enough to advise or speak up. (if strong, i just frown my forehead and annoyed)
I begin to afraid of listening any call now, call me but I dont join and I have to find the reason to refuse, but I am very bad at making the reason up. Why I dont go, it is far and cost me half a day? I am not confident? I dare not to try? or lazy to step, to change? If continue like that, how can I live well as I had told yesterday?
I seem to be stuck and be weaker. I cant go up ... really?! I understand now why my old Boss like that, maybe I am also same same him. Oh, die die die! I dare not to discuss about anyone now because I also cant discuss for myself. Oh die die die!

Why my eyes are so itchy recently? Ah, I need vihroto to pour into my eyes. AHHHHHHH, so itchy! AHHHHHHHHH Itchy and lonely! ^---^